toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
