she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
