yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
