Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
