The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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