All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
