You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
