she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
