And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
