He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
