Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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