yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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