so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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