On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
