i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
