You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
