How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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