i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
