Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
