Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
