I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
