Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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