I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Houston, we have a blender
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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