think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
