It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize