But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
