so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
