I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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