watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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