my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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