Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it because I queefed?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I pour the whiskey from now on
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