i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
