mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm really busy with my period
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