no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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