Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
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I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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