We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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