Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
