There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
