I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize