people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
