My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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