just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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