I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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