Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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