okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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