What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
