Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it because I queefed?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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