last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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