I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
