at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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