Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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