Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize