You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
