Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
