Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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