please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
