i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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