Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
