Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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