Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
