I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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