Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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