u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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