Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
