does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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