im drinking this country out of the recession.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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