i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
