were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
