Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
