youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
