plz talk dirty to me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
