If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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