Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
