sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
